Since I knew I already wanted to work on Cuckoo’s Nest as Ratched, I spoke with my mentor and he helped me pick out the play Doubt by John Patrick Shanley and told me to look at the character Sister Aloysius. Once I bought the play I figured I could piece together a monologue from the dialogue between Sister Aloysius and Sister James. I am not very good at this sort of thing so I had a friend of mine, who is not only an English teacher but also teaches Drama, look over the play and give me hand. With his help I was able to pull a monologue out by cutting Sister James’ lines.
The audition called for a monologue and song. But since I’m not the musical theater person yet I practiced a second contrasting monologue in the hope I’d be able to perform it. I choose Good Night Desdemona since I had been able to find and work a new comedic piece.
To be honest, I really could have spent more time on these monologues. I had them memorized but my substitutions and objectives were still muddy by the time auditions arrived.
The Broadway West company is a great small, intimate space. And they were very lax on their audition process, in a good way. I arrived early and ran into people I knew who told me a bit about their experiences working with the company. Everyone had great things to say about the company. Also, they were very generous on time and introductions. I was introduced to all the directors and assistant directors; the time slots were about 15 minute increments; and they allowed me to do my two monologues.
And while Broadway West treated me well this is probably one of the worst conditions I’ve ever gone into an audition. To say I was a bundle of nerves is a massive understatement. I was nervous for a few reasons. I didn’t like auditioning for someone I know. In most cases this is beneficial. If you completely mess up your audition you can hope the director remembers some of your previous work and just thinks you had a bad night. However, John has never seen me perform and I very badly wanted to impress him, especially since I seriously want to be considered for his show. When I was being introduced to all the directors, I learned that in addition to John, Bryan was also there (he’ll be directing The Last Night of Ballyhoo). I had auditioned for Bryan previously during Shady auditions, but I’m not even sure if he remembers me from it. So there was yet another person to impress. While waiting to audition I spoke with my friend, Jim, who informed me that lots of women coming through auditions were interested in Cuckoo’s Nest. This bit of news also didn’t help my nerves.
I really tried my best to calm my nerves. (I am thinking about enrolling in some meditation or Tai Chi classes to work on grounding techniques for situations like this.) But by the time I got onstage, I had already suffered from dizziness and nausea and just wasn’t feeling well. However, I was able to get through my monologues. I got all my lines right and didn’t drop or make up anything. I’m sure, despite my best effort, I was visibly nervous. What I was most disappointed in myself about is how I lost the nuance to my acting. I never got over my nerves. Usually, if I’m nervous at some point in the monologue I relax and start really getting into character. (Yes, I know I should be in character before I start my piece but my nerves don’t always let me.) I’m not really sure how I did overall. By the time I got to my car to leave I finally fell apart, crying. I was just so frustrated with myself. (And I felt stupid for getting myself worked up.)
About the only good news I’ve heard thus far is John saying my monologue was, I’m going to assume he meant the Doubt piece.
And now comes my least favorite part-waiting. With a general audition you wait until the show comes up and hope you get a callback. Which means it could be months before I hear from anyone.
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